Perspective depends on which way you look at it

I was carrying two heavy bags of shopping back from town and passed through the hospital grounds where a lot of people wait around, some with taxis vying for business, some to see friends and family. A couple of people asked if I wanted a taxi to which I replied no thanks, it's not far (which it really wasn't), and a third voice called out an offer to carry my bag for 1,000 shillings and I repeated no thanks, it's not far, and then spent the rest of the walk home wondering about why I said no. The bags certainly felt as if they got heavier!

On reflection I think my first reaction was a defensive one, in that I thought I was being offered help because I was seen to be struggling but wanted to be seen to 'manage just fine thankyouverymuch'. I then wondered if it was probably just a guy trying to earn a bit of cash, and I kicked myself because I should have taken him up on it!

So then I got thinking (probably just thinking too much) about my initial reaction, and what made me say no. Why did I say no? It wasn't far, 1,000 shillings is hardly any money at all, and the bags were heavy! Was it about being independent? Not wanting to be seen as a white woman who employs someone to carry her bag? Especially someone black? (And so harking back to days of assumed superiority and colonialism which is all still very fresh in the minds here). I don't think it was about saving the money! 25p. Would it have been risky leading someone to where I lived, showing them where it was? People probably already know there's a mzungu woman living there. Ah, I don't know. It makes my brain hurt!